A dear person just passed away, Mark Saunders, of Perry, NY. Mark had intellectual disabilities, and I knew him well because of my own special needs sister, Melanie. Mark was known to everyone in Perry. When I say 'everyone', I MEAN e.v.e.r.y.o.n.e!! The tributes have been pouring in on our community Facebook group, even from people who had only heard of him but have never met him. He was what I called a legend. His obituary sums up how the entire community knew him.
Mark was special to me because he and Melanie were boyfriend and girlfriend. Many years ago, Mark wanted to know how long they'd been together, so I had to come up with a year to appease his constant asking. I chose 1990 because it was closest to when my parents had switched churches, attending Baptist Church of Perry with Melanie, and also because it was an even year, easy to remember. Jeff and I started attending BCP in 1988, and I got to know Mark even better from then on. After so many years as boyfriend and girlfriend, Mark wanted to be 'engaged', so I helped them make engagement bracelets in Jan 2020, just before Covid forced them apart for good. Even when Mark went into the nursing home and could no longer attend their day program where they saw each other daily, despite not seeing each other at all, whenever Melanie has been asked who her boyfriend is, she quickly says "Mark!"
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| Mark & Melanie at CrossRoads Seniors Day Program, Mt Morris, NY on the day they became 'engaged', January 15, 2020 after 30 years of 'dating' 😁 |
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| Mark and Melanie's engagement bracelets |
Mark's life was no different. The Lord used him greatly via Mark inviting and bringing children (and adults) to church. And so I wanted to post the transcript (below) I did a while ago of my mother's article as a tribute to Mark. Children and adults with intellectual and developmental disabilities CAN and ARE used of God. Their life has meaning. And that should encourage YOU, dear reader, that YOUR life has meaning as well. Whether you know Jesus personally or not and are feeling like your life is meaningless or worthless, know that He put YOU here for a purpose that no other person can fulfill like you can. My sister has proved that; Mark has proved that. And now Mark is standing whole and perfect before our Father God in heaven, hearing Him say "Well done, thou good and faithful servant!"
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| Floral arrangement sent to the funeral home on behalf of Melanie, who would be unable to attend calling hours as well as the funeral. Melanie has a cognitive level of about 3-4 yrs old, and has a very difficult time understanding death. I and her house staff agreed that to have her attend either place would, sadly, cause her way too much anxiety, turmoil and confusion. |
Here is my mother's article. Enjoy, and be encouraged!
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A TALK WITH MY FATHER; ‘Out of the Depths’ a Mother Cries!
By Jean Canby
(Originally published in the Baptist Bulletin, July/August 1983)
My husband is off to work and the children are off to school. Now, Father God, could we have a good talk?
It’s about the baby…this one I just brought home from the hospital.
I wondered, all the time I was there. It was so different from the times the other four were born. They didn’t let me see this one; they said her lungs were weak and she had to stay in the incubator. And my husband was so quiet. Then they said she had to be taken to Children’s Hospital.
Finally, I came home. Then they brought the baby.
I couldn’t believe it was my baby! I tried to remain calm for the sake of the other children, but inside I was screaming.
Now I’ve had some days to try getting my thoughts in order. But. Father, I’m still so terribly confused. I want to know—why would You give me such a hideous looking creature? Look at her! Is any part of her body normal? Coarse, thick hair—not soft as a new baby’s hair should be. No skull! I’ve never seen a baby with no skull before. Her nose is flat against her face. Look at her eyes, Lord. The whites are all I can see. Doesn’t she have any eyes. Lord?? And look at her hands. Six fingers on each side. Look how her chest sinks in…and look at her crooked legs and feet. She has no eyebrows….no fingernails…..no toenails. Her body is stiff as a board. She’s not cuddly, Lord.
And listen to her cry. It’s just a whisper. Doesn’t she have a voice? Last night I tried to feed her….and this morning, too. It took me an hour and fifteen minutes each time to give her just one ounce of formula. She can’t even swallow. She chokes and turns blue. I know You made a mistake, Lord, in giving this — this thing — to me. My other children are all normal.
What’s that, Lord? No mistakes? Ha!
That’s the biggest understatement of the day. This is a big mistake. A baby like this should be given to someone who deserves punishment. To one of those pot-smoking, drug-using, beer-drinking, fighting families. Why, I’ve gone to church all my life. I even taught in Sunday School for a while. We’re good people, Lord! Oh, this whole thing is so stupid. Take her back, Lord….take her….take her…..
Ohh, now I’m crying. Oh, why, why, why….??
What’s that? You love our family so much that You want to draw us closer to You? Well, this sure is a funny way of showing us Your love!
Oh, Father, what am I saying? I’m so sorry. Please, please forgive me. I just had to let my emotions out this morning.
Father, You suffered too, didn’t You?
Your Son, Jesus —You gave Him to show people like me that You love us.
And here I am, acting so terrible. It’s just that I hurt inside for this baby. What future does she have, Lord? How can I ever be a good enough mother for her?
Oh, help me, Father! Please help me!
Please help this baby. Give her pretty hair, Lord. Give her stable eyes. Give her a voice so she can cry like any other baby. Oh, Father, work in her body. Help her. Help me. You are all-powerful, Father! (**It was at this point in my life that I prayed the sinner’s prayer, & Jesus moved from just a head knowledge in to my heart!)
Yes, Father, I hear You. Stay close to the Word and we will realize this baby is a blessing. Oh, Father, open my eyes that I might see this blessing. Don’t let me miss anything. Let me see Your plan in all this, that it might help me see how we can have victory.
Look at us— we’re both soaked with tears. I’d better give her a dry gown. There! Look at her, Lord. She’s asleep now. She has her finger in her mouth. She IS sweet. You know, somehow she looks like an angel to me. Now I never thought I’d be saying THAT, Lord!
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Father, here I am again. A month has gone by since I came to You so torn in my soul. Did You notice — I almost laughed when those three doctors told me I’d better put her in an institution.
They said, “She’s blind, deaf, zero intelligence, cerebral palsy, and she’ll never be anything but a vegetable. So put her in an institution before you become attached to her. She will never be anything but a burden to you and your family.”
I wanted to tell them, “I’m sorry, but you just don't understand that my Father is taking care of everything." I wanted to tell them Your Word promises that she is in Your hands…. that You are taking care of all her problems. I wanted to say, “Doctors, a Christian has two choices. Believe and receive, or doubt and do without.” I could hear myself saying it nice and loud. But my mouth wouldn’t open. Why am I like that, Lord? I’m sorry. I wish they knew You.
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Well, Father, next Sunday our little girl will be twelve years old. We’ve come a long way, haven’t we? I can’t begin to count the blessings. Oh, Father, I adore You! I have such a thankful heart. Oh, You and I both know the times I felt like giving up. It was those times when You blessed me the most. You always made a way, through Your Word. I could always reach up and Your hand was right there, Just as You said in Isaiah 41: 13.
Oh, thank You, thank You for the joy in my heart when I saw her riding in the bus on the first day of school…for the day her teacher called me, so excited.
“She tied her shoelaces!” she said. Forgive me, Lord —I made believe I was excited too. Really, You and I both knew she had been tying her shoelaces for a long time. I didn’t want to take away the teacher’s excitement. I wonder if our little girl knocks very many pins down when she and her classmates go bowling. Does she, Lord? Oh, thank You for the smart things she does to figure out something when someone doesn’t understand her. I’m so glad I gave our little girl to You to take care of. It’s so exciting to look forward to what tomorrow will bring.
Father, our talks have been so precious to me. Thank You, Father, for sending Your son to show me I can come boldly through Him to the throne of grace, to obtain mercy to help in time of need.
I’m so thankful to Jesus for doing Your will, Father. Through Him I have joy in my heart, and have eternal life.
By the way, I imagine You really smiled at the surprised expression on my face the other day. Remember when I hugged our little girl and asked her, “Who do you love more than anyone else in the whole world?” I was waiting for her to say, “You, Mommy.”
And what was her answer? “Jesus!”
That was the best answer, wasn’t it, Father.
Oh, thank You for her Sunday School teachers, and bless them, Lord. Thank You for her Christian school teachers, too.
Father, I’m so sorry for the way I acted twelve years ago when she was lying there so helpless. I’m sorry. Please forgive me, in Jesus’ name.
Remember how angry I was at You, Father?
You don’t?
Praise God!!!!
—-Mrs. Canby is a member of LaGrange Baptist Church in Pavilion, New York. Her article was submitted by Mrs. Vivian DeWitt, who is a member of Garden Heights Baptist Church in Erie, Pennsylvania.
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****NOTE BY TRANSCRIBER (Suzie Canby Carlson, daughter): Jean Canby passed away in 1995 from metastatic breast cancer, surrounded by all her children and grandchildren. Her tombstone sums up her life (epitaph created by Jean's daughter Donna Washburn). It simply reads:
JEAN CANBY
1929-1995
DEDICATED WIFE, MOTHER, AND PRAYER WARRIOR
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| Melanie had more surgeries and procedures in her lifetime than I can count. This brace had to be worn for a long time during her infancy, from what I remember due to the way her hips were when born. |
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| Melanie didn't seem very cute as a baby to me, but I thought she was adorable as a toddler and young child. |
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| My mother, the Pioneer woman, lol. She dressed up for our LaGrange Baptist Church's sesquicentennial (150 yrs old) celebration. |
